Don't you send me to vm
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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