I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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