Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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