I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
