Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
