Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
