she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
