He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize