So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What did we do last night that was yellow?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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