He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
