summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize