it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
