...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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