After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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