I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
