I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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