Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
