That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize