he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
