Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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