I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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