Screwed.edu
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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