dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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