im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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