I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
