you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
