He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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