I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
