Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just google imaged poop.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
