So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
if only i could text you this smell
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up under a house in Key West
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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