Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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