me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
