Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
