cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
