Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
