If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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