This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
