11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
