i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
