Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
