I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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