Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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