meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
