dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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