the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
