every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
