I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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