Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
