yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
