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I think my fart just growled at me.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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