i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize