Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
only you would photoshop your dick
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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