Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize