somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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