You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
