Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize