Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
