She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize