I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
