Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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