There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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