Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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