New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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